kids jokes

Winning Run


Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened.


"So, how did you do, son?" he asked.

"You'll never believe it!" Billy said. "I was responsible for the winning run!"

"Really? How'd you do that?"


"I dropped the ball."


Long Time No Sex



One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin.



"How did I gethere, Mommy?" she asks.



Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey."



"And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did."



"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?"



"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."



The child shakes her head in disbelief.



"Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"

Letters to God



A Nun asked her class to write a note to God...........




Dear GOD: Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones You have? Johnny



Dear GOD: Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It worked with my brother. Larry



Dear GOD: If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. Mickey



Dear GOD: I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. Nan



Dear GOD: In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? Jane



Dear GOD: I read the Bible. What does "beget" mean? Nobody will tell me. Love, Allison



Dear GOD: Are You really invisible or is it just a trick? Lucy



Dear GOD: Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? Anita



Dear GOD: Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? Norma



Dear GOD: Who draws the lines around the countries? Nan



Dear GOD: I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? Neil



Dear GOD: Did You really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother. Darla



Dear GOD: Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. Joyce



Dear GOD: Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up. Bruce



Dear GOD: If we come back as something - Please don't let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her. Denise



Dear GOD: I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over. Sam



Dear GOD: You don't have to worry about me, I always look both ways. Dean



Dear GOD: I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. Ruth



Dear GOD: I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying. Elliott



Dear GOD: Of all the people who work for You I like Noah and David the best. Rob



Dear GOD: My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they? Marsha



Dear GOD: We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it. So I bet he stole your idea. Sincerely, Donna



Dear GOD: I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was cool. Sara

Child Saying Grace
A 4-year-old boy who was asked to return thanks before Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food.




He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip. Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"

God Is Not Deaf
 
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs,




"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE. I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO. I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."



His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."



To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"